“Did you see that Jack Swagger video?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You saw it though, right?”
“Why? The WWE doesn’t care about us wrestling fans anymore. They’re just messing us with now.”
“The whole thing made me nauseous. I’m serious. Like halfway through, I felt like I was going to throw up all the stupid years I wasted watching wrestling. It’s the most insulting thing I’ve ever seen.”
“What was your favorite part?”
“I’d have to say when they compared themselves to Glee and CSI, except just a little bit different. You know what’s a big difference? They don’t have the characters of Glee telling you THEY’RE JUST PLAYING CHARACTERS!!”
“It amuses me when you yell.”
“I don’t know how else to vent my frustration. I thought about punching a wall but that’s stupid, so I kicked my beanbag chair.”
“You still have a beanbag chair? My God, do you still think Bret Hart is champion?”
“What the hell is wrong with having a beanbag chair?”
“Let’s see, you’re 28 years old for starters, so you should have a couch or a recliner. Also, I don’t think anyone has beanbag chairs anymore.”
“I do.”
“I know, dipshit.”
“And if I want to kick my beanbag chair I will, that’s my right as an American.”
“Holy crap! That should be Swagger’s next promo. Or maybe the moustache guy can go on and on about his right to have a beanbag chair.”
“It’s better than challenging Glenn Beck to appear on Raw. Before that stupid video and I only read they invited Beck to Raw, I thought it was a cute angle. I mean, Glenn Beck is like 4 years past expiration date, which makes him an ideal WWE celebrity.”
“Exactly!”
“I don’t know where these 14 million people that listen to Glenn Beck are, because I haven’t met one of them. Ever.”
“Do you live near people?”
“I do.”
“That’s the problem. They don’t exist in the general population.”
“Well now you’re just being mean.”
“Come on, Glenn Beck! Get angry again, that was fun.”
“I’m not mad about Glenn Beck. I still can’t get over the fact they broke character in a stupid, meaningless, insulting, soul-sucking video. There is one part that brings me joy.”
“And that is…?”
“They disabled comments on the video. I wish YouTube would not let companies disable comments. If you put up total crap, you should have to endure the wrath.”
“How do you think this turns out?”
“Not good. I would love to be in those meetings to understand their rationale. They have the Rock, the freakin’ Rock, as WWE Champion again. John Cena and CM Punk are going at it Monday night. They have 3 legit superstars fighting over the belt. Brock Lesnar is back and still awesome. Everything was going so great and then…this.”
“At this point, I think being a WWE fan is like an extended test of willpower. They see how long you can hang on, and then eventually you let go and give up. Like I’m about to.”
“You taking another break? Not even going to give it to WrestleMania?”
“I don’t know. The Royal Rumble was tough. What about you? You seem more angry than I do?”
“Man, I’m a mark. You know that. It’d be better for my health if I just burned $60 instead of ordering WrestleMania. But you know me better than that.”
“Can I come over for the show? Then we’d only be burning $30.”
“Deal.”
“Being a mark is hard.”
“Tell me about it. I’m going to go retweet CM Punk.”
Thankfully that magician just showed the audience how he sawed his assistant in half, so I don't ever have to pay to see it again.Follow me on Twitter
— CM Punk (@CMPunk) February 23, 2013
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