Monday, November 14, 2016

13 Good Things About the Next Four Years

It can’t be all bad, right? Even though we elected a racist, sex predator who has 75 open lawsuits against him, things can get better, right?

This is going to be a long four years.

trump mandate
I wanted to come up with a good number for this list, so I thought maybe I’d play into how many times he lied on the campaign trail. But the Toronto Star – why did a Canadian newspaper cover this election better than American ones? – totaled up his lies at 560 in the last 6 weeks of the campaign. I’m an optimist, but geez, 560 is a lot.

So I need a new number. How about 13? You know, since 13 women accused Trump of sexually assaulting them in the same manner he said he would. Man, this positivity stuff is going to be hard…

1)    He Doesn’t Want to Govern

Before his win, I read a fascinating article that explained our best case scenario would be another Arnold Schwarzenegger as Governor in California. Arnold was a fellow celebrity who want the enjoyment of winning the office, but had zero intention on doing any actual governing.

Yes, it’s cripplingly depressing to think of that as the best case scenario.

2)    People in NYC and DC Hate His Guts

Trump is going to spend the bulk of the next four years in two places that, with the exception of California, hate him the most. People in New York have been fed up with Donald’s bullshit over the past 30 years, and the vote totals reflected people in DC spotted the fraud a mile away and overwhelmingly rejected his bigotry.

Every time he is in NYC or DC for the next four years, he will be protested, heckled and booed. We will never give him the satisfaction of adoration. Trump wants love. He’s not going to get it where he lives.

3)    President Obama is now a First-Ballot Hall of Famer

We’ve seen Obama’s approval ratings solidly increase throughout the year, as his demeanor proved superior to what we saw on the campaign trail

Think about it – our nation has had eight straight years of economic growth. But, sure, you keep thinking this election was about economic anxiety.

Once Trump imposes his tax increases on the middle class and wipes out affordable health care, Obama’s legacy will only get better. You know how conservatives have been invoking Reagan’s names for 25 years? Obama will get that treatment from liberals for the next quarter century.

4)    Trump Must Follow a Great President

There’s an old adage in sports – you don’t want to be the coach who follows a legend. Why? Because it’s impossible to live up to that standard. Obama set a Presidential template that should never be forgotten. The grace and dignity that man has shown during 8 years of racially-charged attacks – hello, Birtherism – and handing over the office to a KKK-endorsed candidate is how we should want our kids to act.

Our new President-elect spent his Sunday morning tweeting barbs at the New York Times for accurately reporting his views on nuclear weapons. Who do you think is better for our country?

5)    Millennials Are Involved

Hi kids! Welcome to politics! Yeah, you thought America was a decent place where racism is rejected. But shockingly, a country built on slave labor still has some issues to work out.

The good news is that you’re here! We need you. Sure, it would’ve been great if you had showed up a week ago and didn’t toss votes away on Jill f’in Stein, but better late than never. America 2.0 needs our younger generation. Once they realize that the economic growth and dignity of the Obama administration was an aberration and not the norm, they'll understand the importance of activism.

6)    Watching Republicans Mess Everything Up

Is this actually something to look forward to? Probably not, but it’s about time the country realized how horrific conservative policies are in 2016. We’ve seen states like Kansas get obliterated by them, but white people in Michigan and Wisconsin, somehow, don’t think it’ll happen to them.

Ann Coulter, before Election Day, tweeted out that the last time Republicans controlled the White House and Congress was 1928. I don’t think she realized the irony of what happened in 1929, aka, the worst economic depression in our nation’s history. What was the second worst? Oh yes, that came after 8 years of W. Oh yes, and Ann forget the GOP controlled the White House & Congress then too. Those who forget history are doomed…

Here’s the deal, the Republican Party has succeeded in American politics by being the backup quarterback. It’s very easy to push that your ideas will work when they aren’t actually being instituted. It’s why I want Bryce Petty to start for the Jets even though he has given no indication he can start in the NFL.

When Petty fails, the Jets can cut him. When Trump fails, middle America will be broke.

7)    When Trump Supporters Realized They’ve Been Conned

The defining characteristic of every Trump business is a promise of greatness, followed by under-delivering and eventual bankruptcy. Look at what he did to Doral, previously one of the nation’s best golf courses. Trump came in, ruined the course, angered PGA Tour pros and, in a great irony, lost his tournament to Mexico.

At some point over the next four years, 60 million Americans will have their own “see the light’ moment. If they voted for jobs, it’ll be when those jobs aren’t coming back because they never were. If they voted for national security, it’ll be when his draconian policies come back to bite us. If they voted because of the wall, well LOL, that just sucks for those people.

And if they voted because they thought his racist campaign rhetoric would not continue – they may have already had their moment.

8)    US Soccer Losses Are Now Amusing

For the past 15 years, the United States Men’s National Team has dominated Mexico in soccer in our home country. Dos a cero was a rallying cry, for a stream of 2-0 wins in Columbus, Ohio. Well, the US played Mexico on Friday in Columbus. Did we win 2-0? Of course not. We lost 2-1.

Now while I never want to see our national team lose, there was a bright spot – the unbridled joy of Mexicans on Twitter who ripped Trump apart for hours with memes. It’s good to know at least someone is happy we elected a racist.

9)    We Can Ignore Cable News!

I haven’t turned on CNN, MSNBC or Fox News since Tuesday and I may never again. CNN, in particular, was paying people to support Trump. They didn’t have any news background or experience – their job was to blindly defend everything he said.

Hmm, can’t imagine how his racism got normalized?

10) The Eventual Russian Scandal

I don’t know why so many Republicans were okay with Trump coordinating with Russia. They seemed convinced it wasn’t true. Then within 48 hours of Election Day, Russian officials admitted to be in cahoots with WikiLeaks and in direct contact with the Trump campaign. Oops!

The good news is that there’s a smoking gun out there somewhere. And I do believe that many #NeverTrump Republicans will still draw the line at colluding with the enemy, even if sexually assaulting women didn’t matter.

11) The Liberal Wakeup Call

Hey, I’m as guilty of this as anyone. I really believed that average white Americans would choose decency over their own self-interests. Whoops! Never underestimate how selfish white people are.

Seriously – they complain about minorities asking for handouts and then vote for a guy because they whined for a handout of jobs and ow my brain hurts.  

12) Less Tourists in DC!

Okay, this may be specific to me, but damn do I hate tourists in DC – clogging up Metro escalators, taking up parking spaces and generally making it tough to get around. Well good news – no one will come to America anymore!

A British travel company has estimated that 1 million fewer Brits will make the trip to the United States this year. I’m guessing the rest of the world – save for Russia and ISIS – feels the same way about us electing a racist, sex predator. Sure, it’ll further cripple our economy and many people will lose their tourism jobs, but less people on Metro escalators!

13) A Real Conversation on Race

For years, conservatives have derided minorities. Black Lives Matters, Hispanics, Muslims – you name it and they’ve been targeted. Following his election win, that conversation on race is about to become extremely real.

For too long, I’ve let extended family and friends post racist memes on Facebook and not said anything. It’s much easier to de-friend the person putting up pictures of Obama in a noose.

Now, we can’t ignore that. We call it out. If they condoned racism by voting for Trump – we condoned it by not saying anything.

Over 200 hate crimes in 4 days? That’s our America? Sadly, it is. For now. It won’t be like that forever. Time to win our girl back.



You know what, I can’t end on 13 – let’s have some fun.

14) Less People at My Wedding

I have a strict “no racists” policy for any event I throw so, looks like that guest list got a lot smaller over the past week. Yes, I’ve noticed the continued use of the word “thug” in your posts. We all hear the dog whistles now.

15) No More Boy Bands!

Boy bands thrive when people are happy and have disposable income. It’s how you can tell Reagan, Clinton & Obama were successful Presidents. No more of that over the next 4 years!

16) Barron Trump Hates His Dad

There was only one good thing that happened on Election Day and it was Trump’s spoiled kid rolling his eyes at his Dad during his Dad’s greatest moment. Even better, Donald’s mode of parenting is apparently slapping his sons until they act like him. Guess what? A President can’t slap his kid around. Boy, Barron is going to be so insufferable

17) The End of False Equivalency

Every terrible thing Donald did over the past six months was compared to one email scandal. Guess what? He’s not running against Hillary anymore!

How will the media be able to balance, say, a white supremacist as a chief advisor? They won’t! Maybe – just maybe – we can quit the charade about normalizing this behavior. You know, like making a white supremacist a chief adviser.

It’s not all bad. Right?

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