Why Am I So Damn Lazy?

On the Metro home Tuesday night, my mind was made up. I was going to cook dinner. I was going to work out.

I did cook dinner. I did not work out. I drank 3 cans of Coke Zero and ate a bunch of peanuts while watching basketball on the couch. I also laid in bed with the girlfriend to listen to some old Ricky Gervais Show episodes on YouTube.

So of course, I feel out of shape and lazy. It’s my own damn fault! But why am I so damn lazy?

To be fair, I did work out on Saturday and Sunday. I ran a few miles each day and got in a chest workout on Saturday. My legs are still sore because I hadn’t worked out in a month, too busy preparing and then executing NAA mediaXchange 2014 in Denver. The show was good. My physique is not.

If there is one defining characteristic about myself that I wish I could change it is my constant and continuous reliance on procrastination.

I wanted to write this blog post last night, I waited until this morning. It won’t be finished until this afternoon.

“I’ll do it this afternoon” should be my life motto. I try so hard to get things going and I kept getting stuck putting the car into drive.

We’re just going on a stream of consciousness rant now if you want to check out. I won’t be mad. I’m surprised you read this far.

But if you have, can we try to answer the question of why am I so damn lazy?

Clearly, I’m not lazy all the time. I have a job. I am gainfully employed. I’ve done some good work here at NAA and presented a pretty exciting session on startup companies. I won a bunch of awards as a newspaper reporter. I have been pretty good about posting a blog nearly every day and some, like my Thank You to Louisville, get read a lot.

Yet there is always the nagging sensation in the back of my mind that I could be doing more. What happened to the novel I was supposed to write? What happened to the novel I did write and gave up after getting rejected by, well, just about every literary agent in the world? Who knew a pro wrestling novel would go over like a fart in church?

I made a giant list for myself at the end of 2013 that included absolutely everything I could think of that I wanted to accomplish in 2014, no matter how minute or grandiose. I dubbed this year, “Attaining the Unattainable.” I mean, Good Lord, even in my title for the year I’m letting myself know it’s not going to happen. Why did I name it that? Wouldn’t, “Attaining the Attainable,” sound better and be a little more positive?

The list, which is helpfully taped to the inside of my closet, has given me a roadmap for what I should and could do with my life. It reminds me on a daily basis of what I’m not doing, which sucks and should serve as motivation.

I have to read 12 books this year. Okay – wait, why have I only read 2 so far?

I want to visit 6 museums here in DC. I’m at 0. I want to run in 4 road races. Yep, I’m at 0.

In theory, the list is a healthy reminder of my goals. It does feel good when I cross something off, whether that is getting new glasses, paying my March car payment or reducing a credit card balance down to zero. My spreadsheet of my debt and bills – why didn’t I start that five years ago? – has got me on the right side of the ledger.

But me – I can’t get me going. I always look in the mirror, imagining the love handles dissipating, my biceps being finely tuned and my abs being cut into six perfect squares. Then I put on those new glasses and life gets real depressing.

I believe, ultimately, that life in 2014 for me is too easy. No, not that life and work are a breeze – but that it’s way too easy and enjoyable to do nothing.

I love sports. I love college football and UConn and Kevin Ollie. There is never an hour where I can’t find live sports somewhere on my 1000 channels. How can I work out when SMU is about to play in the postseason NIT? How am I supposed to work on my next short story when there’s a college hockey game between Union and Vermont? And yes, our office closed early on Friday and I watched Union play Vermont in hockey for two hours!

So what to do? How can I motivate myself?

I have an idea – write an 800 word blog post about how lazy I am. Let’s see how it goes…

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