Hey Assurant, Let Me Give You My Money!

Making a payment should be the easiest thing you do online. But then I met Assurant Insurance.

I currently rent in Washington, D.C. and my apartment requires renters insurance. I am convinced it’s a scam, but it’s only about $100 and not worth fighting over. That’s why I think it’s a scam.

When we hit the one-year anniversary on our current apartment, I knew I had to renew our renter’s insurance. Assurant sent me one email saying I need to pay my bill and it was officially on my to-do list.

If things were that easy, well, would I be writing a blog post about the experience?

On May 14, my renters insurance was cancelled. Did Assurant notify me of that? Of course not. Instead, my apartment building emailed to let me know the policy was cancelled. I wasn’t upset. I knew what happened, because the card I used last year had recently been replaced. I’d click the link they sent me, update my credit card and be on my way.

Oh, if it were only that easy. I knew disaster loomed when I clicked that link and it took me to a 404-error page. Not a good start.

I went to the Assurant website and logged in with my email address. Second big problem arises, as only my previous policy from my last apartment shows up. As I enter my information for the newer policy just cancelled, Assurant’s site says it does not recognize the policy.

Huh? I am typing in the information they sent me! Over and over, it doesn’t accept my info. One of the required pieces of information is “last 4 digits.” No, it didn’t specify last 4 digits of what. So, I thought it was Social Security. Incorrect. But maybe it was my credit card? Nope. Maybe my bank account? Wrong. Did I use my debit card? Crud, that’s not it. Over and over, I type in my information, and over and over, Assurant Insurance tells me I’m an idiot.

Okay, that’s fine. Shit happens. I’ll send an email or chat with a…

Wait a minute, there’s no email address here? I search all over the Assurant site. There is no possible way to communicate with them electronically. No form. No email. No nothing.

What am I supposed to do? There’s an 800-number, but if the site won’t acknowledge that I even had the policy, how would someone I call know that?

For 24 hours, I collect as much info on my previous renters insurance, in preparation for what would surely be a soul-crushing experience to explain all of this to a customer service representative. Thankfully, I was saved!

In going through my snail mail, there was a notification letter sent by Assurant. Sure, it was mailed two days after my policy was cancelled, but who cares. It laid out what I assumed happened -- that my credit card was declined -- and they needed me to simply call and provide a new credit card. The letter included a different 800 number. My nerves calmed. The issues had subsided. I didn’t know why they didn’t email me to get money, but I didn’t care anymore. The next morning at work, I’d call, enter my info, and this episode would be put to bed.

Come on, did you really think that happened? I’m writing this for a reason!

I call the number around 9:30 a.m. I enter in my information. I’m asked if I want to make a payment. I press “1” to indicate that I am. I get ready to enter my credit card info; except I never get the chance. I am being transferred to a customer service rep. Well shit, this isn’t going as planned. Whatever, though, it’ll be over soon.

I am put on hold. I remain on hold. 5 minutes pass. This is taking a long time. 10 minutes. Okay, seriously, how hard is it to take my money? When it gets to 15 minutes, I get very annoyed. This can’t be right.

As I’m listening to the hold music and messages, there is a third 800 number shared for payments. Ahh, I think. That’s the right one! Silly me. I hang up after 15 minutes and call into the other number. This must be it.

They ask me to enter in my policy info. Accepted. They ask me to enter in my address. Accepted. Yes! This is almost over! Do I want to make a payment? Yes! It asks me if I’ll be using a credit card. I sure will! Let’s do…

Wait, I’m on hold again? Why do I need to talk to a customer service rep? I just want to give you my money! Why won’t you let me do this?

10 minutes pass. The phone is now on my desk in speaker mode, with the volume turned way down just in case anyone walks into my office. 20 minutes pass, still nothing. It’s taking all my inner strength to not smash my phone into bits in anger.

I channel my anger in a more positive direction as we reach the 30-minute mark and closing in on an hour of hold time through two calls. I leave bad reviews online. I tweet at them. The anger is boiling. I am contemplating what happens if I can’t make this payment. Do I get evicted?

“Hello? Hello?”

A voice on the other end! The rep picks up. I almost apologized for not picking up immediately, but instead choose to let the rep know I’ve been on hold for nearly an hour and am not happy.

When I hear only a gulp on the other end, I know my anger does not need to be directed at this poor soul. It’s not his fault. He just works there.

“I need to make a payment.”

“Okay,” the man says, as he then proceeds to ask every single question that I was prompted to answer online and, on the phone, previously. After running through all of that, he asks, “Do I want to make a payment?”

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE!?!?!?!”

No, I didn’t say that. I said, “yes” through clenched teeth. I then proceed to read him my credit card number out loud like it’s 1996. This can’t be secure, right? Does this guy even work for Assurant? Am I being scammed?

I repeat numbers again and again because, you know, taking credit card numbers via phone is stupid and even stupider when we have the Internet.

Finally, he tells me the payment has been recorded.

“Do I get confirmation?”

“Huh?”

He answered a question about confirmation of payment with a “huh?” and now I was convinced I was being scammed. I explained that I need a receipt, you know, since he just charged me $148 for something. He told me to log into my account. I told him, “I have, and my policy isn’t there.”

“Your email is wrong then.”

My email is wrong? It’s the email you’ve been sending me emails at! I almost let loose on the poor rep. Instead, I knew I had been trying to pay a damn bill for an hour and a half and really needed to do something else. I said thanks and hung up.

Nearly 48 hours later, I promptly got my confirmation. Sure, I still can’t access my account online and Assurant doesn’t provide a way to get any help, but that’s fine. I’m good for another year. And when my bill comes due a year from now, well, I guess a year is a long time from now.

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