Rooting for College Football To Visit Hell This Weekend

I made the biggest mistake you can make in 2020. I got excited.

This week’s slate of college football games, for the first time all year, had me eagerly anticipating Saturday. As a Notre Dame fan, I was certainly looking forward to the first Clemson game, but that little ol’ election kind of had my attention.

But this was going to be the weekend that college football finally put its best foot forward after a depressing slog of a year. We have six (ugh, five) conference title games between ranked teams. The Group of Five has four different undefeated teams. The possibilities seemed to be endless. Let’s root for chaos, right?

Then the college football playoff committee reminded us that the sport is fundamentally broken.

On Tuesday night, their Top 25 rankings made absolutely no sense. The entire college football community, in a rarity, seemed to rise up as one against the insanity. Iowa State at 6? Florida at 7? Neither of these made sense. It was so bad, Kirk Herbstreit proclaimed on Wednesday that the sport had the “worst” postseason in sports and changes are desperately needed.

The most depressing part of the fiasco was committee chair Gary Barta doing his best Trump impression by lying his ass off on ESPN about the rankings, since they weren’t based in reality. Two particular lies stood out.

One, he said Cincinnati was penalized for not playing games due to COVID. For no explained reason, Ohio State not playing games due to COVID didn’t matter.

Two, he said Cincinnati was penalized for having no wins over the current Top 25. While that is true, the committee moved them behind Georgia… which also has no wins over the current Top 25 and, as an added bonus, has two more losses. Huh?

We knew the college football playoff had become a sham in recent years, starting with the mistreatment of UCF. However, the disrespect shown to Cincinnati and the Sun Belt leaders (Louisiana & Coastal Carolina) confirmed it. The system is broken. The system needs to go.

Looking ahead to this weekend’s games, I am no longer merely rooting for chaos. I am rooting for all hell to break loose.

Nebraska at Rutgers, Friday, 730pm on FS1
Rooting for Rutgers

This has no bearing on the playoff. Still, screw Nebraska. No university was more annoying about playing through a pandemic than the one that hasn’t won a conference title in the 21st century. Does Nebraska think it still matters? Ending another irrelevant season by losing to Rutgers on a Friday night in mid-December to finish 2-6 would be hilarious.

MAC Title: Buffalo vs Ball State, Friday, 730pm on ESPN
Rooting for Buffalo

Buffalo is currently undefeated, and I want them to stay that way. The fact they aren’t even ranked is ridiculous and insulting. Jarrett Patterson is a joy to watch, having tied an NCAA record with 8 rushing touchdowns in a game earlier this year. A Buffalo win could set up something really fun too, which we’ll get to later.

Pac-12 Title: Oregon vs USC, Friday, 8pm on Fox
Rooting for USC

Another undefeated team to root for in USC. Does it strike anyone else as weird that USC and Ohio State have the same record, and USC is at 13, while Ohio St is at 4? Was Ohio St’s close win over Indiana really that impressive? An undefeated USC not even sniffing the playoff, regardless of the circumstances, seems bizarre to me.

Big 12 Title: Iowa State vs Oklahoma, Saturday, noon on ABC
Rooting for Iowa State

This is the first really important game for the sport to go to hell. You’d think Iowa State at #6 means we need them to lose for all hell to break loose. But Oklahoma winning does the committee a favor. We don’t want that. Since Iowa State lost to a Sun Belt team at home by 3 scores, and because the Sun Belt is 3-0 vs the Big 12, we need Iowa State to be Big 12 champ.

To be fair to Iowa State, they’ve never won a conference championship before, spending decades getting smashed by Oklahoma and Nebraska in the Big 8 days, then Oklahoma and Texas in the Big 12 days until recently. They are having a tremendous season. It’s not their fault the committee is overvaluing them.

Big Ten Title: Ohio State vs Northwester, Saturday, noon on Fox
Rooting for Northwestern

This is the biggest one because Ohio State is officially a lock to make the playoff if they beat Northwestern. What’s the fun in that?

Texas A&M at Tennessee, Saturday, noon on ESPN
Rooting for Tennessee

I got no beef with Texas A&M at #5 and think they would be very worthy if they finish with only one loss to #1 Alabama. What’s the fun in that, part two? We need to clear out legit contenders to make this work.

Sun Belt Title: Louisiana vs Coastal Carolina, Saturday, 330pm on ESPN
Rooting for Coastal Carolina

There is no logical explanation for Coastal Carolina to be at #12 when Iowa State is at #6. Coastal is undefeated, has the same number of Top 25 wins, and beat the team that beat Iowa State in Ames. It’s infuriating.

Of all the COVID cancelations in 2020, this one stings this most. Two teams on the brink of their biggest win ever, with Coastal in line for a big bowl and (gasp) even the playoff. We cannot be done with 2020 soon enough.

ACC Title: Notre Dame vs Clemson, Saturday, 4pm on ABC
Rooting for Notre Dame

Notre Dame is making the playoff regardless of what happens, so a Clemson win would just get both in. No, I want Notre Dame to win again to give Clemson two losses, including one with Trevor Lawrence to eliminate that excuse. North Carolina’s beatdown of Miami last week gives Clemson a grand total of zero quality wins this year.

There would also be the massive benefit of Dabo Swinney finally get knocked down a peg, which he richly deserves for being an asshole all year. Would the committee still try to sneak an undeserving 2-loss Clemson team into the playoff? Maybe, and that would be good for our goal of hell being unleashed.   

Mountain West Title: San Jose State vs Boise State, Saturday, 430pm on Fox
Rooting for San Jose State

Another undefeated team! Though it has no bearing on the playoff, I’d love to see San Jose State complete an undefeated regular season. It is rumored that the Arizona Bowl wants to line up the Mountain West and MAC champions, as the game has been moved to big CBS on New Year’s Eve day to replace the canceled Sun Bowl.

Two undefeated teams playing outside of the New Year’s Six? Yep, that’ll do.

SEC Title: Alabama vs Florida, Saturday, 8pm on CBS
Rooting for Alabama

For one, rooting against Alabama is a fool’s errand. Florida’s not winning, so why fight it. Besides, Alabama is a lock like Notre Dame. Let them beat down the Gators as expected, so we can ignore Dan Mullen for nine months.

AAC Title: Cincinnati vs Tulsa, Saturday, 8pm on ABC
Rooting for Cincinnati (to win by a lot)

About a month ago, I thought Cincinnati only needed Notre Dame to beat Clemson to make the Final Four. Instead, Cincinnati has slipped in the rankings week after week for absolutely no reason at all. Tulsa is a Top 25 team who has only lost once, on the road, in a close game to a ranked Oklahoma State. A blowout would look very, very good for Cincinnati.

Unleash Hell

If everything goes according to my diabolical plan, Alabama and Notre Dame would be undefeated locks for #1 and #2. For the other two spots, the contenders would be:

• 2-loss Big 12 champ Iowa State
• Undefeated AAC champ Cincinnati
• Undefeated Sun Belt co-champ Coastal Carolina
• Undefeated Pac-12 champ USC
• 1-loss Big Ten champ Northwestern
• 2-loss Clemson
• 2-loss Georgia
• 2-loss Texas A&M
• 1-loss Ohio State

Could the college football really box out the Group of Five if this happened? Yes, yes, they could. And that would be the end of the college football playoff as we know it.

C’mon hell, we need you to break loose this weekend. 

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